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Welcome back to the Parenting Without Power Struggles Podcast. Today we’re going to talk about one of the big topics—one that interests me perhaps more than almost any other—and it may surprise you to hear that it’s really about working on ourselves.

I’m Susan Stiffelman, and I’m so glad you’re here. This is the Parenting Without Power Struggles podcast. If you’re not familiar with my work, please visit SusanStiffelman.com, where you’ll find more than 50 masterclasses with wonderful experts like Mona Delahooke, Dan Siegel, Tina Payne Bryson, Gabor Maté, Janet Lansbury, Byron Katie, Terry Real, and many others. We cover everything from raising sensitive children to getting homework done, and you can also sign up for my free newsletter filled with encouragement and inspiration.

Susan:
Hi everyone. We have a wonderful guest today — Dr. Rita Eichenstein — who is a very dear and fascinating friend, actually a colleague, whom I’ve invited to talk about the parent brain, which isn’t something we discuss much but really should.

Rita:
First of all, thank you for having me. It’s always a pleasure to speak with you. Talking about the parent brain — and how it changes throughout the parenting journey — is one of my passions, because understanding that your brain is wired to change is a powerful form of self-compassion.

Becoming a parent is not just a lifestyle change; it’s a distinct phase of human development. It’s unlike anything that comes before it — or that non-parents experience. The parent brain runs parallel to adulthood, but operates on its own track.

Susan:
Wow.

Rita:
It literally transforms your brain, your hormones, and your emotions. And it’s important to understand that — whether through birth, adoption, or any caregiving path — the journey of parenting, from that first spark of “baby fever” through grandparenting, reshapes the brain itself.

Susan:
I know that some parents say they feel foggy after having a baby, but even now, with my adult son who’s married and doing well, that parent part of me is still there — wondering if he’s okay, if someone’s sick. It’s different than when he was a toddler, but it feels permanent.

Rita:
It is permanent — or at least strongly hypothesized to be. We don’t have full longevity studies yet, but evidence suggests the changes in the parental brain are lasting. And I want to emphasize — this is not a downgrade, it’s an upgrade!

Parenting wires you for longevity and gives you superpowers that other adults don’t have.

Susan:
What kind of superpowers?

Rita:
Let’s start with executive function — your priorities completely change. You’re now managing dozens of tasks simultaneously. Parents sometimes feel they’re losing their minds — and sure, lack of sleep can throw anyone off — but the parent brain actually learns to function under those conditions.

Think about doctors in residency — they’re on call 48 hours at a time. The parent brain does something similar: it develops the capacity to be “on call” 24/7, building resilience and adaptability.

The frontal lobe — your executive functioning area, the “CEO” of the brain — reorganizes itself. You learn to prioritize, problem-solve, and function efficiently. Compare that to someone at work who only has to think about their own day. A parent gets the child’s gear, snacks, homework, and their own things all out the door in one go — that’s a superpower!

Susan:
True!

Rita:
And it’s why parents often become incredibly capable at work and in life. Parenthood teaches persistence — because there’s no quitting. Of course, parents also need support, which is why the work you’re doing, Susan, is so important. Through all the stress, joy, and challenges, your brain is upgrading.

Susan:
That’s such an empowering perspective — it reframes everything. Traditional psychology never taught us that the parental brain is being reconstructed, upgraded.

Rita:
Exactly. Even in psychotherapy training, we weren’t taught about this massive neurobiological change. Brain imaging research from just the last decade has revealed distinct stages of parental brain development. Parenthood is a new developmental phase, not merely a role.

Susan:
So for a parent listening today — what might they take from this?

Rita:
First, I’d say: your brain isn’t “modified” — it’s evolving. You may lose your keys or misplace your phone a hundred times a day, but that’s not evidence of decline. Your priorities have shifted. When you put your keys down absentmindedly, your mind is probably occupied with something about your child — organizing, remembering, planning.

One of my favorite stages to discuss is what I call the disappearing phase — that shift from toddlerhood to early childhood. Society says, “Get back to normal! Get your body back! Go back to work!” But that’s when your brain’s neuroplasticity is peaking. You’re learning to multitask, empathize, and operate under stress — yet the outside world doesn’t acknowledge it.

Psychology, since Freud, largely ignored this. Even feminist psychologists missed it, expanding the category of adulthood without recognizing parenthood as its own stage. But neuroscience now shows that each parenting phase wires you for adaptability, empathy, and resilience — traits that actually support longevity.

Susan:
So what’s one takeaway for parents — something practical?

Rita:
Trust your brain. Because parenting as a distinct developmental phase isn’t well understood or supported, you have to trust that your brain knows what it’s doing. You are in an extraordinary process — the highest form of human evolution: learning to love without controlling or judging.

Cut the judgment. Embrace the love. Trust your brain. You’re evolving beautifully.

Susan:
That’s such a great reframe — seeing parenting as an upgrade!

Rita:
It absolutely is.

Susan:
Rita, thank you so much for this conversation. I know you’ve been diving deep into this research and writing, and even though we’ve just scratched the surface, your insights are so valuable to every parent.

Rita:
Thank you — it’s truly a passion project. You can find me on Facebook at Dr. Rita Eichenstein or on my website, drritaeichenstein.com.

Susan:
Thanks, Rita — and thanks everyone for listening.

Rita:
Bye-bye!